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Self-Portrait with Nothing Twenty-two years ago, the reclusive painter Ula Frost became famous for the outrageous claims that her portraits could summon their subjects’ doppelgängers from parallel universes. Now she’s gone missing. Her daughter, Pepper Rafferty, abandoned on the local veterinarians' front porch as an infant, has never met her biological mother and wants nothing to do with her, so much so that she’s kept her mother’s identity a secret from everyone in her life, including her loving adoptive mothers and stable and supportive husband. Still, Pepper has always preferred her fantasies of other universes to reality. Was there a parallel universe in which Ula decided she was worth keeping? A universe in which she was more confident, more accomplished, better able to accept love? In the wake of Ula’s disappearance, Pepper is revealed to be the painter’s sole heir. Suddenly she must face her loved ones’ hurt at how much she has withheld, while contending with the Everett Group, a sinister organization whose interest in Ula’s work extends beyond art. When the Everett Group’s threats become explicit, Pepper realizes that, prepared or not, it is the Pepper of this universe who will have to find Ula. |
Praise and Reviews
"A thrillingly inventive, highly original debut that manages to be both a compelling mystery story and a dazzling meditation on existence. Pokwatka’s particular gift is her ability to see a strange concept through to its conclusion. Fraught and deeply moving, Self-Portrait with Nothing is the work of a genuinely exciting new talent." —George Saunders
“…a beautiful debut about the people we aren’t and the paths we don’t pursue.…Pokwatka’s voices are tantalizing and elusive. Most affecting are Pepper and Ike’s text exchanges as Pepper travels farther and farther away from home: tender and funny and sad, rippling with the subtle inflections and repetitions developed between intimate partners that are very difficult to represent convincingly. They’re a kind of poetry anchored at the heart of the book while Pepper journeys toward Ula in pursuit of something she can’t quite name, trying to translate the reality of Ula into something she can finally comprehend." —Amal El-Mohtar, The New York Times
One part detective story and two parts solemn literary reflection, Self-Portrait with Nothing will leave you in throes of existential dread. We all daydream about the tangents of our lives that never materialize, but this novel gently and insistently asks its readers to reckon with the despair that a person can incur with these preoccupations. The story manages to keep you wildly entertained while also cautioning that while your roots are important, the only way to live meaningfully is to stay present in your own journey." —Melissa Sagendorph, Harvard Book Store
"The novel maintains an unusual and effective balance between its overtly fantastic elements and Pepper’s realistic, psychological narrative. It’s something that many novels in the gray area between mainstream and genre literature struggle with, and it’s impressive to see Pokwatka thread the needle so perfectly. The supernatural elements here never quite steal the spotlight, except when they need to, and—when the action and revelations ramp up sharply later in the third act—the novel somehow manages to simultaneously convey the uncanniness of its premises and how consequential they are, how they’re still a part of this reality.
…Beyond the dazzling weirdness of Ula’s paintings—an element which is extremely well-done and eerie—it’s this exploration of the pathology of multiverse story-telling that I found most compelling in Self-Portrait with Nothing. ...it gestures towards the way that the idea of alternate realities can become a constraining, rather than liberating, imaginative force.
...The premise is deeply weird, and it does deliver on that weirdness, but it does so without sweeping away its realism, its personal stakes. Subtle, complicated, and full of complex feeling, Self-Portrait with Nothing explores the danger of multiple realities, but also acknowledges that no person can be reduced to a single reality, either." —Jake Casella Brookins, Chicago Review of Books
"It’s a bit like A Bar at the Folies-Bergère: the perspective seems head-on but is actually at an angle, and the portrait is more complete than most...You don’t have to be an artist or an art historian to fall in love with this book, though; the characters and situations require only feeling, not knowledge. And oh, what a feeling to see Ula reflected through so many perspectives, but remain essentially unknowable.
...Pepper’s journey made for a compelling, compulsive read with a surprisingly deep story that lingered long after I finished. Self-Portrait with Nothing is a rich, layered composition with many themes and a strong central focus, full of imagery you won’t soon forget." —Christina Ladd, GeeklyInc
"Pokwatka’s debut is a unique and well-plotted story with many twists and turns. Recommended for science fiction fans, but it will also appeal to a wider audience." —Library Journal, Starred Review
"Pokwatka’s speculative debut straddles the line between sci-fi thriller and literary fiction....The result is a deeply felt, introspective meditation on motherhood and the nature of the self." —Publishers Weekly
"Self-Portrait with Nothing is a worthy addition to the multiverse subgenre, a rich exploration of families of all different sorts, and a cracking mystery." —Locus Magazine
"Self-Portrait with Nothing heralds a serious talent. It's a story that brims with life, ambition, and joy." —Sarah Langan
"Self-Portrait with Nothing is a thoughtful, beautiful contemplation on identity and how we build ourselves from all the bones we're given, both by the people who love us and by the people who leave us. Gorgeously drawn characters in a new and compelling setting, this is a beautiful book that deserves to be read." —Seanan McGuire
...tantalizing and elusive lacework, delicately balanced between the branches of fantasy, mystery and realism like a spider’s web." —Amal El-Mohtar, NYT Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of 2022
"A thrillingly inventive, highly original debut that manages to be both a compelling mystery story and a dazzling meditation on existence. Pokwatka’s particular gift is her ability to see a strange concept through to its conclusion. Fraught and deeply moving, Self-Portrait with Nothing is the work of a genuinely exciting new talent." —George Saunders
“…a beautiful debut about the people we aren’t and the paths we don’t pursue.…Pokwatka’s voices are tantalizing and elusive. Most affecting are Pepper and Ike’s text exchanges as Pepper travels farther and farther away from home: tender and funny and sad, rippling with the subtle inflections and repetitions developed between intimate partners that are very difficult to represent convincingly. They’re a kind of poetry anchored at the heart of the book while Pepper journeys toward Ula in pursuit of something she can’t quite name, trying to translate the reality of Ula into something she can finally comprehend." —Amal El-Mohtar, The New York Times
One part detective story and two parts solemn literary reflection, Self-Portrait with Nothing will leave you in throes of existential dread. We all daydream about the tangents of our lives that never materialize, but this novel gently and insistently asks its readers to reckon with the despair that a person can incur with these preoccupations. The story manages to keep you wildly entertained while also cautioning that while your roots are important, the only way to live meaningfully is to stay present in your own journey." —Melissa Sagendorph, Harvard Book Store
"The novel maintains an unusual and effective balance between its overtly fantastic elements and Pepper’s realistic, psychological narrative. It’s something that many novels in the gray area between mainstream and genre literature struggle with, and it’s impressive to see Pokwatka thread the needle so perfectly. The supernatural elements here never quite steal the spotlight, except when they need to, and—when the action and revelations ramp up sharply later in the third act—the novel somehow manages to simultaneously convey the uncanniness of its premises and how consequential they are, how they’re still a part of this reality.
…Beyond the dazzling weirdness of Ula’s paintings—an element which is extremely well-done and eerie—it’s this exploration of the pathology of multiverse story-telling that I found most compelling in Self-Portrait with Nothing. ...it gestures towards the way that the idea of alternate realities can become a constraining, rather than liberating, imaginative force.
...The premise is deeply weird, and it does deliver on that weirdness, but it does so without sweeping away its realism, its personal stakes. Subtle, complicated, and full of complex feeling, Self-Portrait with Nothing explores the danger of multiple realities, but also acknowledges that no person can be reduced to a single reality, either." —Jake Casella Brookins, Chicago Review of Books
"It’s a bit like A Bar at the Folies-Bergère: the perspective seems head-on but is actually at an angle, and the portrait is more complete than most...You don’t have to be an artist or an art historian to fall in love with this book, though; the characters and situations require only feeling, not knowledge. And oh, what a feeling to see Ula reflected through so many perspectives, but remain essentially unknowable.
...Pepper’s journey made for a compelling, compulsive read with a surprisingly deep story that lingered long after I finished. Self-Portrait with Nothing is a rich, layered composition with many themes and a strong central focus, full of imagery you won’t soon forget." —Christina Ladd, GeeklyInc
"Pokwatka’s debut is a unique and well-plotted story with many twists and turns. Recommended for science fiction fans, but it will also appeal to a wider audience." —Library Journal, Starred Review
"Pokwatka’s speculative debut straddles the line between sci-fi thriller and literary fiction....The result is a deeply felt, introspective meditation on motherhood and the nature of the self." —Publishers Weekly
"Self-Portrait with Nothing is a worthy addition to the multiverse subgenre, a rich exploration of families of all different sorts, and a cracking mystery." —Locus Magazine
"Self-Portrait with Nothing heralds a serious talent. It's a story that brims with life, ambition, and joy." —Sarah Langan
"Self-Portrait with Nothing is a thoughtful, beautiful contemplation on identity and how we build ourselves from all the bones we're given, both by the people who love us and by the people who leave us. Gorgeously drawn characters in a new and compelling setting, this is a beautiful book that deserves to be read." —Seanan McGuire
...tantalizing and elusive lacework, delicately balanced between the branches of fantasy, mystery and realism like a spider’s web." —Amal El-Mohtar, NYT Best Science Fiction and Fantasy of 2022